Have You Ever Dreamed Of... Making your own hours? Owning a topless joint? Flaunting the laws of the land for financial gain? Motivating a gang of burly, brainless thugs to do your bidding? Earning the respect you deserve--or better yet--sporting an undeniable aura of fear? If You Answered Yes To Any Of The Questions Above, We"re Gonna Make You An Offer You Can"t Refuse! Mob know-it-all and popular New York City radio jock Goumba Johnny gives you the lowdown on what it takes to be a wiseguy. And you don"t even have to be Italian or live in a major urban area! Whether you"re in Oatmeal, Nebraska, or Cheeseville, Wisconsin, starting your own Mafia family is a lot easier than you think. With this handy guide, Goumba Johnny shows you the finer points of bookmaking, loan-sharking, detecting wiretaps, corrupting politicians, finding the right mistress or mistresses, and not ending up in the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car. You"ll get the best tables in restaurants, quaff the finest wines and choice cuts of steak, and snooty headwaiters will grovel at your feet. Beautiful women who wouldn"t give you a second look now will throw themselves at you, attracted by the brute power you radiate. You"ll wear the finest silk suits money can buy, own Rolexes by the dozen, and sport obscenely expensive pinky rings and diamond money clips. So You Wanna Be a Mobster is the ultimate self-help book--it will show you how to help yourself to other people"s money! For Academic Study Only