Embark on a thirteen-year journey through the stormy, madcap, on-again, off-again relationship between a Boston advertising art director (van Rooyen) and a Boston advertising film-director-turned-sailor ("The Captain"). Boat Bastard examines the torturous, slightly out of step mating dance that ensues between these two oversize personalities, complete with the requisite break-ups, reconciliations, and bloody bumps and bruises along the way. From Boston and Cape Cod to France, Israel, Jordan, and, finally, the Chesapeake, the Captain navigates this affair on his own terms, until one day, van Rooyen jumps ship.With enormous wit and deadpan delivery, van Rooyen lays bare the very real experience of being the not-so-perfect woman trying to get it right with the almost-perfect man. In the end, she discovers that much as the Captain cannot seem to eke out much space for her within the confines of his boat, so too fares her claim on the affection within his heart. Van Rooyen finally emerges from the relationship with more than her share of sadness and regret, but also with the dignity that comes from having the strength to walk away.