Whether single, dating, married, or divorced, the dreaded February 14 arrives each year to ambush our self-esteem. No other 24-hour period convinces otherwise happy folk that they"re in fact social pariahs. But now comes protection from the ritual onslaught of Auden"s 12 Songs, saccharine cards, and suffocating expectations. I HATE VALENTINE"S DAY is a bitingly funny guide to getting through the Big Day painlessly, including tips on people and places it"s best to avoid ("Indulge your chain restaurant cravings because no one will (or should) be celebrating at Harvesters"), ways to take your mind off being single ("Dress up like an exiled member of the royal family who has hit the skids"), and last-resort measures ("Invent a long-distance relationship"). I HATE VALENTINE"S DAY charts a welcome path back to the innocent days of candy hearts.