The Greatest Book Ever Written!* This book will open doors and push you through them, possibly down a long flight of stairs. Self Help is filled with everything you need to know to completely ruin your life! In these pages you will find the sum total of the author"s knowledge, experience and wisdom along with numerous charts and graphs because--let"s face it--the author"s knowledge and wisdom is unlikely to fill much of a book. In this self help bible you will learn fantastic new secrets to success that sound like they might actually work! This book will ensure that you finally enjoy all of the respect and success that you deserve! (The fact that you probably do not deserve much in the way of success or respect should not enter your mind at this point.) Read my book and you too will discover how to be the perfect wife, the perfect dad, the perfect employee, the perfect politician and the perfect idiot! My book pretends to detail how to succeed in business, how to deal with difficult parents and how to have the best sex ever! Put a price on that! I did! Self Help, Your Complete Book of Bad Advice for Every Situation in Life chock full of poor choices and warped thinking, is the one book the author believes he is eminently qualified to write. * Says the author"s mother