Would that we were still alive; that we could see you as you really are, talk to you, learn from you, then take you to one of our cinemas (more on those later) and share a laugh together watching Men in Black, or cry together watching E.T., or feel incredibly awkward together watching Independence Day or Aliens ox Species or Cloverfield, or well, we fought you guys a lot in our movies. Alas, we"re dead, and that will never happen. But this book is designed to provide you with the next best thing to our actual presence: a comprehensive history of our planet and our species, conveniently written in the universal language - American English.